Back to work.

I wish I lived in Canada. LOL! A friend of mine messaged me and said that parents get up to 12 months maternity leave up there. Now, USA I love you… but I’d really love me some 18 months with my little family. October 30, 2017 was my first day back at work after two months being home with Noah. It was probably one of the most difficult days of my life. I had to get up literally before the crack of dawn and get ready, get a nice hearty diaper bag ready and dress my baby for a day without me. Noah is currently under the care of one of my sweet aunts who is helping us by watching him. I know he’s in good hands but that doesn’t take away the feeling of my heart breaking to pieces knowing I’m missing crucial moments with him. (Not trying to be a drama queen; I’m sure all the mamas out there understand.) For the past 2 months I’ve been there for every cry, every giggle, every cuddle… pretty much every moment. He’s grown so much but I’ve been able to see each milestone firsthand. Its been so beautiful to me! I remember the first time I saw him smile in his sleep, waking up in the middle of the night to feed him and not being able to go to sleep right away after he fell asleep. (He has the same expression as Kristhian when he sleeps! Lol The cutest pouty lips!) I would sit and just stare at his little face… his chubby little hands and toes. I remember wishing the time would slow down just a little bit more so I could enjoy the way he smelled just a little longer. (Babies smell soooo good!) I had two months to stay home and focus on being a wife and a mom. And I loved it. I loved every single second of it.

The week before I came back to work, Kristhian took a week off from his job and the three of us spent it together. It was the absolute best. We went on little adventures as a trio! We took a stroll at one of the places Kristhian and I used to have our dates at… we even drove up to Austin! (I had to have a picture at the “I love you so much” wall.)

We spent every waking moment together. It was awesome. Now, I have to find a way to try and keep myself together being at work. Its tough! I catch myself going back and watching videos of Noah cooing and giggling. 5 o’clock does not come by soon enough during the week and the evenings and weekends race by. I hate it. I know hate is a strong word but I hate being away from my family. I know its for the best. I know Kristhian and I are working to provide… so Noah can have what he needs and even a few wants. So that we can be able to have enough to bless people the way we’ve been blessed. I know that being around other children will help Noah develop socially as well. I know its not harming him. But in a way I feel like its hurting me. I want so badly to be able to take care of him. I wish I could spend every day at home with him. He’s always super smiley and cheery in the mornings… and now during the week, I miss the mornings. On the ride to my aunt’s house, he sleeps. I get about 15 minutes of giggle time while I’m getting him ready and then none until about 6 pm. I know there are so many aspects of motherhood that are extremely difficult. This isn’t going to be the last time I’m heartbroken because he’s away from me or starting something new. (I know I’ll probably be the one crying his first day of school.) Everyone says children grow at the speed of light… its so true. Noah has changed so much since he was born. And he’s growing every second! I can’t even imagine how tough it’ll be when he gets older and does spend more time being independent. I’m understanding moms on a whole new level now. I constantly worry about him- not because he’s not being taken care of… but the fact that he is away from makes me feel helpless in the event that something were to happen. The only thing I can do is pray. I know God is watching over him and taking care of him. He’s taking care of all of us. Every morning, as the three of us head out, I ask him to bring us all back safely. I pray our parents and siblings are safe. I think I feel a greater urgency to cover everyone in extra prayer now. Lol I guess it’s a new sense of responsibility. This little baby depends on his daddy and I not just to provide what he needs physically but spiritually too. His life has been entrusted to us. So we have to protect him. I’m learning that God’s greatest blessings come with an enormous amount of responsibility attached. Being married to my best friend is everything I could’ve asked for- but with the priviledge of being married comes the responsibility to cultivate and take care of my relationship with my husband. So with the priviledge of being parents, Kristhian and I have to work hard to take care of our little baby. We have to make sure that we do everything in our power to cover Noah and provide for him. But in turn we also get to enjoy him… and its awesome. If you’re a mom… go enjoy your babies right now! Its God’s blessing to you! Take in their smiles, their giggles, their stinky smells (lol because they don’t smell good forever!)… enjoy them… enjoy your family. Time goes by too fast and we should take advantage of it by making memories that we can look back on. I have so many memories from when I was a kid and as I look back I just appreciate my parents even more. Setting aside your tiredness from a workday to enjoy a moment with your kids really makes them feel happy and secure. Do you guys have any sweet childhood memories? Feel free to comment them down below. 😊

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