Patience and Acceleration Part 1
Have you ever heard the saying "Patience is a virtue"? I know I sure have... and my husband hears it from me all the time. I looked up the definition of the word patience and found that it means: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. Really, that does sound like a virtue. A virtue I don't always have. Kristhian sometimes jokes that I'm very patient except for when it comes to food. I tend to get "hangry" sometimes and it makes me antsy. But looking back on my life, all twenty-six years, I've noticed there have been times when I have been able to fit the bill of being patient and other times where I have sadly fallen short. Many times it feels like God has put me in situations where I have had to learn to just sit still for a minute... or wait. I've had to accept delays when it seems like God listens to everyone except me. One of those times was waiting for my husband. I'll share a semi-condensed version of my experience in waiting for Kristhian. When I was 13 years old, God told me to wait 5 years to date. I thought that would be tough. Not because I wanted to date at 13 but because 5 years is a long time. By the time I was in high school, 16 rolled around (usually the time when girls and boys alike start feeling the butterflies that come with crushes and the beginning of dating) and I had to turn down several boys saying "Sorry, I'm not allowed to date." I would get a response along the lines "well, if you can guarantee that you'll date me when you're allowed, I'll wait." They didn't mean it of course, shortly after these boys would end up dating another girl. I can't blame them for it either. Anyway, when the time finally came for me to be allowed to date, I began a relationship with a person. I was so excited about the fact that I could finally have a boyfriend that I didn't bother to ask God if it was the person I was supposed to marry. This led me to be in a seven year relationship in which God made me learn to be patient. It wasn't him. Now, he wasn't an evil person, but he wasn't mine. God finally made it clear to me after 7 years. But throughout those 7 years, I had to wait. Once God made it completely clear to me that something wasn't right, I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life to that point. Breaking up with someone who I'd been in a relationship with for so long. I broke his heart. And that was something that I never wanted to do-ever. I asked God why it took so long to tell me? Why did it take 7 long years for Him to make it clear to me?? Why couldn't He have told me before?? I wouldn't have hurt this person as much had it been earlier. I had prayed, I had served, I had asked for guidance as soon as I realized that something was off... I had tried to make it work. I had begged God so many times and cried myself to sleep asking Him to make it completely and totally clear because I did not want to hurt anyone's heart. And its what ended up happening. But in retrospect, I see how He was working to show me patience. You see, I had a plan of not being an old mom. (I know, sssuuupper silly!) I used to say "I want to be married by 20 and have my first baby at 23 so I can have all the energy to take care of it!" So, when 23 came and went, I had to learn to just say "Lord, when its your time, its your time." During the wait He showed me just how important marriage was... it wasn't just something that I could plan for or cross off a list... it was a commitment that mirrored the very love of Christ and His church. He was preparing me during the wait.